finally, freedom.

You guys. It's Saturday. I can actually eat a real lunch. I can watch The Amazing Race without feeling guilty for not studying. The dark cloud of homework is no longer following me. PRAISE. Freedom is sweet.

After a semester ends, I always look back and think "Did that just happen?" Time is such a crazy concept to me...

But I'm not quite ready to philosophize about the universe just yet.

I just really want to take a minute to give God some major props (all the props actually) for being, well, amazing. I don't want to move on from this semester without recognizing God's hand that has been so richly evident in my life. You see, He has changed my perspective on life dramatically. He is so good about helping us in the most gentle way.

During my first year of school, I had chronic busy-ness. I had something planned for every night, either school related, or church related. I was always going somewhere, always rushing, never having enough time for myself or God, yet all the while placing way too much importance on my grades and letting all of my 'doing' define me. I then transitioned into a summer of working two jobs that didn't feel much like a summer break at all. Don't get me wrong, it was a very good year (Frank Sinatra, anyone?), but there were so many things I missed. In the moments when I wasn't 'doing,' I felt lonely and far away from God. But He is so patient. You see, God never stopped pursuing me. And after I came out of this season of worry and depression, I started to process the things that I needed to change. The Lord slowly started to reveal to me what my heart needed, really needed.

So after last summer, I was finished with being busy. I decided to slow down. I started to leave room in my life for others, for me, and for God. It was a learning process for sure. I had to stop letting what I do define who I am. I became okay with just being. I'm learning to let my identity come from Christ and Christ alone. Granted, I still have to balance everything with classes and working, but I'm free from the burden of trying to do everything and be everything for everyone. It's been a learning season for sure.

Lesson Numero Uno (and the most important of all): Do not sacrifice daily time with God, but sacrifice other things so that I have time to spend with God.

2) Family is important. Unlike before, I got to spend so much more time with my family. I hung out with my super cool siblings. My great grandparents had me over for dinner at their house. My grandma and I had some real quality time on weeknights. I have grown to truly love and appreciate the family that God has placed me in. They are such a gift.

3) Friendships are valuable. I realized that it was partly my own fault that I dealt with loneliness for so long. I didn't have time for people. There was no room in my life to build relationships. That had to change. I decided to start spending real, quality time with friends and mentors. I have gained some rich relationships, and had some stinking awesome Jesus talks that challenge and convict me in the best possible way. Even in the midst of school and work craziness, sometimes time with a dear friend is more important. Community helps us thrive. People sharpen us. They remind us who we are, and who we hope to be.

 4) Leave room in your life to dream. We tend to get this 'nose to the ground' mentality and we forget to lift our eyes up and enjoy life. To wonder. To dream. To pursue those dreams, even if it's just one step at a time. Pursuing dreams can be a vulnerable place, and being vulnerable is not always fun. But if we never do anything that takes risk, where is the faith? We are going to make mistakes. Life hurts. Following Jesus is hard. But His grace is all-sufficient, His peace is beyond understanding, and His love is all-consuming.

Thank you, Jesus.

you are enough

Oh, college.

These are the days. 

These are the days when I suddenly remember at 9pm on a Saturday that I have an online midterm to take before midnight. 

Finishing said midterm with an (almost) A calls for catharsis in the form of blogging and cake. Tiramisu, to be exact. 

It's October. Wow.

Just like the cool wind that billowed outside today, time is flying by. 

This season brings a sense of excitement for holidays, for a new year and the future. It's all coming so fast. Change is in the air.

In the midst of last minute midterms and mountains of homework I'm reminded how absolutely imperfect I am. Shocker, I know. 

But really… there are many things I wish I could just get a handle on. My room is never clean, my car hardly ever has enough gas, I'm constantly over-sleeping, and now apparently I forget major tests for no reason. 

Is it frustrating? yes. Is it all going to be fine? of course. 

There are moments I long to have it all together. But then I remember that 'having it all together' is not the light at the end of the tunnel. My calling is not to be perfect.

Forgive me for stating the obvious here, but I, we, you, me, everybody has imperfections, all the time. It's not something we grow out of. They are what make us human. Let's come to grips with the fact that sometimes we set up unfair expectations for ourselves all the while elevating other imperfect people to a pedestal of idolization.

Now, I'm all for goals. Motivation is a good thing. Self discipline is invaluable. But let's stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect. When we start comparing ourselves to others, we have to remember who we are and the One who defines that identity. 

You are good enough. It really is okay. Your shortcomings do not define you.

When we loose these chains of insecurity, we can actually experience the freedom and excitement of embracing our weakness. 

When we are no longer afraid of messing up, we can finally reach for our dreams. We can find that there is peace in taking risks. There is beauty in the imperfections.

This song is no longer of defeat, but a song of victory. 

You are enough.

open hands

A happy September 13th to you, old chap!

Can it be? Is it fall already?

At the risk of sounding like every other female in Rutherford County, this weather makes me so happy!  Fall is upon us (for the most part) and I've spent probably three hours just sitting outside reading my Bible, drinking coffee, and looking for any excuse to stay outside.

Yay for bonfires! Yay for leaves falling! Yay for sweaters!

Summer will always remain my favorite season, but fall is just something special. It's family time. It's studying time. It's wishing you had more time to curl up with that big blue blanket and read a good book. It's anticipation. It's colorful. It's transition. It's nostalgic. And for some reason, the best sunsets always happen during the fall. (or maybe I just really like sunsets).

Anyways… Maybe it's the holidays, but fall reminds me to take time to cultivate generosity. To just stop and realize that even if I don't have a lot, I always have something to give.

Yesterday, my sister Mayce and I decided to grab a few gifts for my Grandma because well, she's basically the best Nanny EVER and why not?

So we got her some of her favorite treats and delivered them to her home. We spent hardly any money, but that didn't matter at all. It was so special.

I want to keep doing that.

I have been given so much, when I don't deserve anything. I want to live with open hands and a generous heart.

Who knew one fall-weather day could serve to teach me about blessing others?

Well, even though it could be back in the upper-90s tomorrow (that's Tennessee for ya), take advantage of the upcoming season and live generously today. It's so worth it.

walking on water

As a part of worship this past Wednesday night, I had the honor of leading Oceans (which is currently one of my favorite songs, just fyi) by Hillsong United.

With what is a wildly popular and vocally very demanding song, I was honestly nervous. 

During rehearsal, my good friend and co-worship leader Micah asked me why I was so nervous. I told him that I needed to stop worrying about 'making it good' and let God make it good. 

The entire night,  the Lord was (and still is!) revealing so much truth to me, and I began to appreciate this song in a new way. 

I would venture to say that for most people, Oceans is very much an Action Song. It's a song about letting the Holy Spirit lead you to take huge leaps of faith, and to know that the Lord is trustworthy as you step on to the raging waves.

At least that's how I viewed this song, until now. 

While searching for a scripture to tie in, instead of being led to the story of Peter jumping out of the boat to walk on water with Jesus, I was lead to Psalm 119:105…

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

What the Lord unfolded before me is the truth that His word is steadfast. His promises, His love, it'sall always trustworthy. If I am taking a gigantic leap of faith, or just daily choosing to honor Him, He's the same God.

Sometimes when we are caught up in daily life, we are just that. Caught up. Sometimes we feel stuck. Bound by our circumstances  We long to throw ourselves into the 'next big step in our walks with God.' Oceans is such a great encouragement during those 'big step' seasons.

But could it be that Oceans also resonates with the Christian who is simply trying to live out following Jesus daily? 

To me, daily life as a Christ Follower can be equally as challenging as any 'big step' of faith, because following Jesus requires steps of faith every single day. Faith to make certain decisions, to believe unpopular views, to live for something greater. We have to know that we are living out this faith-life for a reason. 

Maybe walking on water is a daily process.  

He takes us deeper as we continue to walk with Him. When what seems like an ocean of discontentment and despair rises in my heart, I'm encouraged by these lyrics… 

my soul will rest in Your embrace // for I am Yours and You are mine

He HAS called us out upon the waters. Every day. To walk with Him in faith and surrender. And our faiths will stand because when we call out His name, He is our Savior.

You've never failed // and You won't start now

When we believe this, TRULY believe it, He will take us deeper and our faith in Him will be stronger. 

I pray that Jesus would lead me where my trust is without borders every single day of my life because of my decision to follow Him.

No matter the cost. Great or small. He's worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs

goodbye school, welcome summer.

Dun dun dun dun!!! The blog is back! 

Well, the blog never really went anywhere. Mary, on the other hand, has been slightly off her blogging game for a good minute. All down time has been spent either sleeping or reading Anne of Green Gables to my little heart's content. But now that the homework, deadline, sadness-filled cloud of school has lifted, I am finally free to have free time. What a gift! Goodbye school and welcome summer! 

But first, how about some post-freshman-year-of-college-musings? And maybe a few more hyphenated-words while-I'm-at-it. 

Let's start with a favorite memory. One of my professors this past semester unknowingly imparted some wisdom to me. As I was making up a quiz in her office, she asked me rather nonchalantly if she should cancel class that coming Friday. At first, I was a little confused as to why a college professor would ask me a question that seemed entirely up to her authority. I uttered a very questioning “yes?” to which she agreed: “I was leaning that way, too," she said with a smile, "Sometimes, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is time.”

And how true that statement rings. Time. With pending homework assignments and service hours to complete, in college, I believe that you learn a whole new outlook on time and how to make the most of it (or how to professionally waste it). From living in the dorms to all-nighters in the library, to movie nights when class magically gets cancelled, there is always somewhere to be, someone to hang out with, and something to do. Balance is an invaluable skill. Freshie Mary and Mary today has changed and grown up a lot and it’s been one whirlwind of a learning and growing season.

Here are some lessons that I learned along the way. Maybe these can help you out, or maybe you can laugh along with me. Either is perfectly fine with me! 

During freshman year, you learn how little sleep you can function on. If you get eight hours, it’s a miracle. So sleep. Sleep as much as you can.

Coffee is a prized miracle liquid with magical awakening powers. Utilize this power daily.

When running late for your 9:10 class, it’s amazing how a ten minute walk can turn into a five minute sprint sot keep you from missing that blessed sign-in sheet that gets taken up at 9:12.

Rain at MTSU is code for "prepare to be soaking wet unless you acquire a rain jacket, an umbrella, rain boots, a kayak, and a paddle."

Showering in flip-flops is a tough habit to break once you move home for the summer.

Honor your commitments. Don’t be a flake. Nobody likes a flake. But for real, if you commit to something, follow through, no matter how difficult it is. 

The cafeteria ladies are probably the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Make friends with them.

When your planner is completely full of events and assignments and tests and you don’t know how you will ever make it through the next two weeks alive, breath. Take it one day at a time. Hunker down and get work done. This too shall pass.

Spend time with Jesus. When you feel utterly confused or overwhelmed, sometimes a good cry and a moment in the presence of the Lord puts everything back into perspective. Don’t be afraid to be weak. He is strong in our weakest moments. And thank goodness for His grace.

Peace out year one. Here’s to a splendid summer! 

coffee shop revelations

I have come to the conclusion that coffee shops are good for the soul. The smell of coffee and the sound of community is simply refreshing. Today gave me the chance to escape from school's monotony and have some real Jesus time. Coffee + the Bible + more coffee = one great combination. Not to mention the people watching… forever a creeper. It must be in my DNA. 

So I stumbled upon this amazing verse today. 2 Corinthians 5:5 in the Message version says "The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less."

Have you ever felt like when you see an ocean or a sunset, your heart expands just a little bit, and heaven doesn't feel so far away? 

The world is hard-pressed to find things that can satisfy us more deeply than heavenly things, but believe me it tries. Why do we get so sidetracked so easily? 

I know life and technology and human nature are the main contributing factors, but really. I often ask myself what's really holding me back from living in the Presence of God daily and not letting tomorrow's troubles dictate my heart's direction today. 

Life would be easier if it consisted of sleeping in and daily coffee shop hours and endless book reading, right? 

Maybe. 

But that's not the life we're called to. Real life is messy and tiring and hard yet beautiful all at once. And the moments when we rediscover the little bits of heaven in our hearts make the journey worth the struggle. It's a crazy life, but God knows what He is doing. 

sunny sunday

This Tennessee winter has been an arctic tundra, and today's 50 degrees felt so satisfying and reminded me why I miss spring. Sockos anyone? Today was a the ideal chacos-but-not-quite day. Literally can't wait for warmth.

So instead of working on my two looming projects I'm listening to Bon Iver and people watching in the library (a favorite study break pastime). I love people so much. They are kind of amazing. Also I've decided I need to read more books outside of school books. There's so much out there to learn! I just want to read biographies of worldchangers and learn about why they were so great and how they changed the world. We'll see how strong my resolve is in making that happen. 

After being really sick the majority of last week, I feel like I've come out of hibernation. I was pretty much off the grid for about four days. Maybe I needed it. God always seems to know how to make me slow down and recharge and turn my heart back to Him. That has and continues to be my prayer these days. I want my heart to reflect the Father's heart. I want to love what He loves, hate what He hates, and long for what He longs for. 

The sunshine always reminds me of the goodness of the Lord. Despite crazy life and homework frenzies and work stresses, the sun is still shining. A sunny day in the dead of winter that lets you roll down your windows and jam is much needed. My heart is thankful!!

Here's to more sunny days. I need to invest in some sunglasses if this weather trend continues…